Scar tissue that I wish you saw.
I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.
—Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye
|Adam:||See the thing is...|
|Adam:||Beyond your incredible amounts of charisma and all that charm is the simple truth that you hate yourself.|
|Adam:||But I hate myself, Adam hates himself, Chris hates himself, the Sara(h)s hate themselves, Kelsey hates herself, we all hate ourselves.|
|Adam:||You hate yourself SO MUCH more than ALL OF US combined, it's staggering.|
|Adam:||You hate yourself on a level the rest of us can't even conceive of.|
|Adam:||That's why you are the way you are. You hate yourself so much it drives you to this obsessive success, so then you can throw it all away to prove to yourself how worthless you are.|
|Adam:||Beautiful women, unbelievable white-collar jobs, fantastic opportunities -- that's not ambition, that's just you reverse-nihilism-self-hating in some fantastic, utterly destructive way.|
|Adam:||In a sense, that's your art, not your writing.|
|Adam:||How you've engineered your entire life to be this incredible thing of amazing opportunity you just shit on.|
|Me:||Dude, I am so hungry.|
|Adam:||YOU'VE JUST EATEN THREE FULL FUCKING DINNERS HOW BAD DO YOU GET THE GOD DAMN MUNCHIES?! JESUS!|
|Adam:||You son of a bitch.|